Excited, But Also Concerned!

On my blog talk radio interview I said that I was excited, but also concerned about what may happen at my hometown book signing. The interviewer Rick said, he has never heard an author use those two words in one sentence.  Well, that was what I was feeling, excited, but also concerned.  I was excited about being in my hometown, hoping lots of friends and Amish relatives would show up, having a nice time reminiscing together. What author wouldn’t be excited, especially since the setting of the book was their hometown?  The concern I had was that an Amish relative may show up and confront me about my book “A Basketful of Broken Dishes”.  Praying and asking God for the right words if confronted, eased my concern.

Saturday morning came with more concern than excitement, but I felt I was ready for the day. (The lingering concern about the huge stronghold on the Amish religion won’t end until there is a revival.)  Driving up to Sparrow Christian Book Store I saw the big poster in the store window announcing the book signing and I noticed the time.  I thought I was to be there from 11:00-2:00 but the poster said 10:00-1:00.  What a way to start out the day, apologizing first thing to the store owner. He made me feel special in spite of being late saying, I have fans waiting and that it wasn’t a problem.  

I knew the two people who were waiting. Our parents both had left the Amish around the same time and I think we are second cousins. They said they didn’t mind waiting, because they got some of their Christmas shopping done. We talked a while and soon others showed up. It was a steady, slow flow of people the whole three hours. People would show up and stay quite a while until someone else came. Unfortunately I didn’t have a line of people waiting, but I had a nice time talking to the twelve people who did show up.

The whole drive home I fought back the tears and the feeling of failure was overwhelming. I know I should have just cried, it would have been a good release for me, but I just went home and went to bed. Maybe day nine, of 13 days of non-stop fun activities finally got to me.  When I woke up Doyle asked how my day went and I could hardly speak with out tearing up. Doyle said, “Naomi, you had a taste of shunning. How you feel today is how your father probably felt his whole life, but he never gave up.”

I don’t think those words helped me feel any better, because I knew those words were true and it hurt. You don’t understand until you go through it. It’s a horrible feeling! What my dear parents had to go through their whole life was sad. Then I was reminded of how I felt at my parent’s 50^th anniversary party. You can read about it in my book, Chapter 16, Forbidden Celebration.

While I was sitting at Sparrow Christian Book Store, talking to the people, my mind was wondering about my Amish relatives. There are hundreds, even thousands of my relatives living in this area, surrounding this store, but not one has come to see me. Being concerned about an Amish relative confronting me didn’t happen, but I wish it would have, for then I would know the Amish are reading my book.

 
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Sunday morning I was feeling OK, but glum, then I read this message from a friend on Facebook.

Hi, I just wanted to mention that we know John Schmid and have heard him sing a number of times. He would do great in the Middlefield area.

I would guess your relatives in Middlefield are secretly very interested in your book. We never know the full affects of our actions, until later, maybe.

God knew I needed those exact encouraging words and my friend didn’t know anything about my discouraging day. I know God is in control and I am now excited to see what God is going to do next, for I know He never lets me down!

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV